Where Are You Going? Where Have You Been?

I think I am at that point in my life. You know the one? Where your just not sure if the choices you made in life were all the right ones?

WARNING: This will probably be one of those whiner moments that happen frequently inside the blogging world!

It's not that I don't like my life; I do. I just can't stand parts of it.

Work: I am not sure what to do about work. In the past, I never questioned my job. I loved it. While there were things I didn't enjoy, for the most part I actually looked forward to going to work every day. Work was fun. I enjoyed the people I worked with. I enjoyed the kids. I enjoyed the books. Now it has become a chore. Now I know this is true for many people and I should just sucked it up but I am having a really difficult time doing that. I WANT to enjoy my job. The love affair is over.

Marriage: I love my husband but I think we are facing a rut. Part of the difficulty is me. I know that. It's not easy to live with me and all my "baggage" - which includes an insane family, The Red King in all his glory, and a complicated but caring "college" roommate. Now, I've been diagnosed with an anxiety disorder. While giving the "baggage" a name doesn't change that I have always been like that, I guess I just long for a little more support from him. Now that we know there IS a problem, I am trying really hard to work on it. I don't feel as if there is much "change" on his end. I know that he refuses to treat me differently and I guess that's a good thing. Still, I'm not sure.

Cindy's wedding: This is not something I am dissatisfied with. I am excited for her and glad to be a part. I wish I had been able to be there for her more during the events leading to this happy day. I wish she was closer. I do miss her. In fact, this category should be -

Friends: I wish I had my closest friends closer - I mean in distance. We are all so spread out, and life just keeps stepping in to make us busy. Yes, we have our online time playing COH. For that I am thankful, but even that has been far apart lately. Again, life has kept us all busy.

COH: I LOVE this game. In fact, with all the stress in my life right now, sometimes all I can think about is the game. This is a HUGE problem with J. It bothers him that I spend so much time online. It has become more of an issue in our marriage than money ever was. I wish he had some interest outside of me. I guess I should be thankful that after 11 years together he still finds me interesting but you can have too much of a good thing.

Books: Can't believe I am saying this - Don't know and don't care. It's all been crap lately anyway.

Family: I love them. I hate them. I miss them. I think I am home sick.

Maybe it's just depression setting in. Maybe it's an age thing. I don't honestly know. I am past caring, this is what the stress has done to me. It scares me.

When It Rains Does It Really Pour?

So the Nor'easter hit us on Sunday, only Cindy would have a fabulous bridal shower in the storm of the season! Everyone got home safe and had a good time. It was the evening hours that seemed to bring the biggest problems. It would of course, because of high tide.

Being in coastal towns, your always a bit aware that flooding may be a problem. Since I grew up in Long Island and now live in Connecticut near the sound, I am always acutely aware of flooding. There were many evacuations in the coastal towns, our town even blew there air sirens. The brook near our home started to fill the park. We even saw a transformer blow near the police station. The whole area on the other side of the park was plunged into darkness. It was so bad, I even got to stay home from work because the town I work in was hit hard. Evacuations and shelters were mandatory in some areas.

One of the hardest hit areas was Westchester County, where our college is located. My sympathies go out to Bo. I realize this must have been a huge headache for her as head of security for the college. She was missed last night while the rest of us played COH and saved the world. (I swear I am not gloating Bo, my thoughts were with you but my gaming addiction runs deep). In fact, I thought of Bo a lot yesterday while we were playing. the Nor'easter may have flooded the college but the shootings at VA Tech also had our thoughts with her. It is almost unfathomable when something like this happens. Of course your thoughts go to the families of the victims. However, at the same time you start to consider the what ifs and the what could be items. You think about and pray for the victims - then say a prayer it's not you or yours. Sounds horrible but I am always amazed at how true it is.

Today is tax day.

It's been so busy a week and it's only Tuesday. Hmmm, makes me wonder what tomorrow will bring. Today, Cindy got her promotion to full time. I am very excited about it for her. Yet, again, I realize we are selfish beings by nature. With K and her new jobs, now Cindy. Whomever will be there to save the world with me? *Shudder* I may have to join pick-up teams or go outside into the sunlight. Sunlight! I'm a gamer. Sunlight burns. Ahhh. Hiss. This is bad. If I go outside, I might actually like it and remember what life was like before COH. I know Bo will join me but she gets home later. There will be at least 3 hours when I am on my own. I can feel nature calling me even now. I might just have to go for a walk.

We Want a Wii

So the Red King has come home and with him has arrived the Minotaur God. Like the warriors of the past these two have donned the horned helmets of the mightiest of hunters. The will search high and low, refusing to accept defeat. The prey? The Nintendo Wii Game System. It will be found, nay MUST be found. Only upon finding such an animal will the determined hunters return. Problem is the system seems to be sold out in our area of the country. While ordering the item may seem like an idea, it can not be done. The item of desire must be in hand for it is truly "the hunt" that is desired. The ability to say, "I have found this and won". Now I'm not sure if men feel this way but I do know that shopping for many women is like this. It is the hunt for the bargain and the item we desire. Watching the boys in action certainly seems to suggest it is the same with men. J called around and found 10 in stock at the local Toys R Us. We are not sure though if it is the pack the Minotaur God wants. He does not want a bundle pack. He simply wants the game system. We wish him luck. I wonder if we should roast a caribou or an ox in honor of his hunt? We are so modern we have lost the celebrations of life. The hunt after all was one of the biggest challenges and traditions for early man. What is the correct sacrifice for a video game system? A virtual offering? Spam?

Cuddle Bunnies and A-Bombs

I haven't written personal items in a few weeks and so I figured I would make this blog a quick review of the past insanity and joyful upshots.

• Biggest Scare. The Hubby Unit was in a bad car accident 2 weeks ago in Philadelphia. His was down there on business and his friend was driving them out to dinner. A woman ran a red light and hit them. They spent 24 hours in the hospital. J's brother took me down there to break him out. In all honesty, the hospital probably did a wonderful job but I hate not being told what is going on and seeing the love of your life in a neck brace is terrifying. I had to scream and threaten lawyers to get a doctor to come by. It had been 18 hours since J had seen a doctor so I don't feel too bad about my outburst. He is doing well, though I am concerned about his back since the last accident.
• Superheros Unite. The girls' and I all got our heroes to Level 50 on the double XP weekend held on the COH servers. It was 48 hours of little sleep and saving the world. J set us up in one room and let us go at it. I can't believe we all did it. I am still tired from it.
• Cuddle Bunny from Hell. I love Holly to death but she has been up my butt for weeks now. I am concerned she isn't feeling well but she seems OK except for the fact that she wants to be held and cuddled. Maybe it's the weather?
• Jack Frost is Cruel. The weather has been bitterly cold, I feel like screaming. Just snow already and get it over with. I know spring is coming but after the late winter start I'm just not sure when.
• The Tea Party is Over. Probably has been for a while, but like most of the beloved items of my life I didn't want to see it. The Dormouse seems to be in deep trouble and I am not sure she deserves it. I have seen so much back stabbing in the last week I can't remember what age we are all suppose to be. I understand that we work with tweens, though I don't think we need to act like the kids. Of course, this is said by the video game playing librarian. Still, I'm disturbed they are so complacent in hanging her out to dry. She, herself, is driving be batty but I think she has every right to be pissed off. Problem is I know so little of the story that it is hard to understand the final chapters. Either way, we are all in trouble over this.
• March Hare is Freezing in February. Meanwhile, on the other side of the ranch, seems the March Hare is having troubles of her own. From the frying pan into the fire, it never seems to end for the poor March Hare. If your reading this - I'm with ya babe! I'm not sure if someone downtown is just out to get us all but man did we all end up on the slaughter list.
• Did you say Slaughter List? Yes, yes I did. K is having troubles of her own downtown. Apparently she isn't perfect and therefore no eligible to continue in her job. Considering her coworkers seem to be improving, doesn't that make them imperfect as well? The powers that be want to help get her another job. Help her cause she is such a great girl. Well she is, but part of me know a part of this has to do with the lawsuit they don't want. K should be protected by the disabilities laws. I would really like to shove must of this crap they feed us in a pipe. Like to see them smoke that!

I just throwing this all out. Frustrating week probably doesn't mean squat to anyone. I know my writing is all over the place and this entry makes little sense. Maybe I will come back to these topics. Maybe I won't. For now let's just let it go.

When You Fall Off the Earth Make Sure You Have A Parachute

Oh where to start? The summer started out so nice and relaxing too. Well, isn't that always the way before reality come crashing down on you?

July 15th, 2006 - The Red King, Minotaur God, and Ralph came up to Connecticut to attend a Renaissance Festival with us. It was much smaller than the one we usually go to in Sterling Forest, NY but we had a lot of fun. Follow up ye olde dork fest with some loud karoke and you've got yourself a winner weekend. Arguments about online games ensued - Yes, Minotaur God. I agree your game is cool but I'm telling you that mine is better! If we wanted reality, to quote K, than we'd go into the park and beat people with bats. We don't, so we save the world. You can't beat us so you might as well join us! We finally found a way to get Ralph off the couch but we have a new problem. How do we get him off the porno? Then, when they finally go to leave, K wiggles her nose and breaks a car! Damn girl, I know you love the Red King but he has to go home sometime. Doesn't he?

July 17th, 2006 - Apparently the answer to my last question is NO. The Red King will NEVER go home again because, according to him, K is trying to kill him with her love. In an attempt to wake the Red King, an accomplishment Lewis Carroll was never able to succeed in, K made the Red King swallow his own teeth. That's right. I said swallow, as in consume or choke down. Now I may have had a hand in this but I am denying it as passionately as I denied biting his forehead 20 years ago. Anyway, after rushing him to the emergency room, K had to call me in as next of kin. Oh that was fun! The Red King had to stay in the hospital as they attempted to remove his dental bridge from where it had lodged in his throat. There are so many more details I could go into but let us leave it as he was released - missing his four front teeth and owing his soul to the hospital. Welcome to the wonderful world of debt little bro!

July 24th, 2006 - Back to the hospital with the Red King. Man K, you really wanna keep him huh? While going into details would be rude, let's just say there were complications from the week before that Burger King couldn't fix. Let's not talk about it.

July 25th, 2006 - Our one year anniversary of bring Holly home to live with us. What a good puppy she has been! It also means my one year anniversary of this blog has come around. One year of words and fur. . .so much fun.

July 29th, 2006 - J purchased a speed boat from my step-brother. He was cranking to get it into the water!

July 30th, 2006 - L, otherwise known as the Catapiller, had her first bridal meeting. It went very well, although parts were intense. I know her, and Bridezilla isn't really her chosen projection as a bride but I fear some people may cause her to fill that role. K wanted to give her a dead horse and a stick to beat it with! L had to repeat herself so many times that maybe the horse wouldn't be such a bad idea. She might get further with it.

August 1st, 2006 - A group of us went into NY city to Radio City Music Hall for An Evening with Harry, Carrie, and Garp. This was an awesome event any true nerd would have enjoyed! Live readings done by Stephen King, John Irving, and J.K. Rowling. These three never do readings and it was amazing. I think my favorite was Stephen King, because as much as that man scares the Hell out of me - He is an entertaining reader, hysterical. J was a little cranky but what you gonna do?

August 2nd, 2006 - J is upset his boat not working. . .Something about a water pump?

August 4th, 2006 - Boat suppose to be ready. See above for why it's not.

August 5th, 2006 - J drives all over Connecticut to get said water pump. Boat repaired and he launches her for a three hour tour. Red King plays Gilligan to J's Skipper while K and I go along for the ride.

August 6th, 2006 - J's brother, sister-in-law, and their young son, (let's call them the Walrus, the Carpenter and an oyster shall we) join J and I on a boat trip. They show us a cove called the Sand Hole located in Port Jeff, NY. It's an inlet people, come on and call it what it is. Fancy names! It's still an inlet!

Summary: Boat $5,000 - Red King's Connecticut Vacation $18,000 - Saving the world (City of Heros) $29.99 for game $15.00 per month - Water pump for afore mentioned boat $300 - An evening of watching people read $ 92.80 per person - Tickets to pretend to be a Merry Man $15.00 per person - Books to keep me occupied $150 - Cost of feeding Red King after Hospital (Pudding, Jello, and Appelsauce. Poor boy!) $130 - Cost to fuel boat's 75 gallon tank $300 - Cost to fuel a car in Connecticut $3.20 per gallon - Cost of trial of World of Warcraft that Minotaur King insisted we try FREE for 10 days $49.99 for game $15.00 per month after that. As you can see by this list I can not afford another MMORPG! - Getting Ralph off our couch PRICELESS.

Depression or Saving the World?

Seemly, at least to the online community, I fell off the face of the earth. My days, have been swallowed up by work, puppy, online gaming, and a type of bored depression that seems to linger every spring. So it's to the point where I am unsure of the exact reason for my blase feelings. So I thought I should quickly write up an excuse and see if it flys.

• Work: Stress and Anxiety seem to be permanent fixtures in our library. People laugh at this idea thinking a school library should be stress-free. This is SO not so, especially on a middle school level. Pre-teens, hormones, budgets, books, and teachers make for an interesting atmosphere.
• Puppy: As good as she is, the warmer weather and longer hours of daylight lead to one hyper puppy. Her 1st birthday arrived and the boyfriend has been out in the park more. Holly is dying for attention and the great outdoors.
• Online Gaming: The roommate, K, and I have been playing online with the game City of Heroes - a MMORPG that allows you to create a super hero and save the fictional world. We have been addicted to it and have spent every spare moment playing it, both together and alone.
• Depression: Every spring I am crushed under feelings of anxiety, anger, boredom, and sadness. I can never seem to shake these feelings. Every year seems to be the same.

So these are my excuses and I'm sticking to them! We will see if one of these pan out as a sole reason for my lack of interest in my usual outlets. Books, scrapbooking, movies, all games besides those mentioned above, and blogging - these things hold no allure for me.