Monday, February 27, 2006

A Birthday and a Good-bye in Wonderland.

My best friend had her birthday this weekend, with a party on Saturday in her New York apartment. The party was very nice and it was just amazing to see her and all the people I know. I can't believe we've been friends almost 12 years. Happy Birthday L! She has been my best friend, editor, book club, and ghost hunting partner. I would not be who I am if not for her. Sometimes I am jealous of her life - she is living the dream I had when we were in college. I am happy with the choices I made but I am happy to see her live that dream regardless.

Also this weekend, my father and his wife moved on to Florida - I didn't expect this to hit me as hard as it did. I mean, my parents have been divorced since I was little and I never lived in my father's house. Surprising as it was, his move hit me hard. A few years back, my grandmother sold the house I grew up in. She moved to Florida and my mom moved out to the eastern end of the Island. Not long before, my other grandmother passed away after years of bitter fighting in the family. Now, with my father's move, the chapter has ended on my childhood.

All the places and people that contain my childhood memories are removed from me. I know it's not the places that are important. I know "home" is now the place I live with my husband. I know "home" is now in Connecticut. Yet, just sometimes, I am homesick for Long Island and my childhood. The Island is different then it was when I left 6 years ago. I don't belong there anymore. This became perfectly clear as we drove away from my dad's on the day he left. Everything has changed and grown away from me. I am slowly losing my reasons to return to the Island. My mom and her sisters are all that remain. My friends, father and his family - all have moved on to different venues. Places and people have moved on. I no longer belong to the Island but I really don't fit quite right with New England. I am a woman trapped between both, which I guess puts me right in the middle of the Long Island Sound!

L's party was great and my father's move is going to do wonders for him, but both have made me a little nostalgic and sad. The ups and downs of living in Wonderland!


Oliviah said...

I no longer know where "home" is, so many changes, losses, endings. But oh, do I wish I could just go home!

~Liz said...

Home is where your heart is. So you'll always have a room in my home since part of your heart is here with us and part of mine is there with you.

Besides I might be leaving the city life behind and moving closer to you sooner than you think.